Hey, congratulations on that potential new job! You think the interview went fairly well, except for that part about you not being able to give the interviewer a satisfactory reason as to why you were unable to finish your junior year of high school.  But, hey, education can be sooo overrated. No problem. I’m sure you were otherwise able to wow wow him over with your amazing grasp of the English language. Oh, but just for future reference, “Anyways,” isn’t a real word and neither is “Slutkicker.”  However, it was kind of neat how you were able to work that in while speaking of your girlfriend.  Very cool.


So, you need to provide a urine sample before you can finally don that spiffy paper hat?  Hmmm. Well, that could be a little bit of a roadblock, I guess, huh?  Hey, why not tell your girlfriend’s eight-year-old son that he needs to pee in a cup. Yeah, that’s it. But, what if he asks why? C’mon, you can always say that the doctor requested it. No, forget it, that’s not good. You’re going to tell him what?  Oh my! You’re going to sit him down and tell him that you have a really good chance at being the new French fry chef but you need to submit a clean urine sample for it in order to seal the deal.  Okay, but, then what?  NO, NO, NO! Do not…I repeat DO NOT tell him that the reason you need his urine is because you’re on METH!  Horrible idea and here’s why: he’s going to run to his grandmother and tell her about your dilemma and it’s only going to spiral downhill from there. Why? Because grandma’s going to pick up the phone and inform the police about your conversation with the little guy, and consequently, they will be more than interested in meeting you and asking you a whole boatload of questions.  One other thing: there’s a strong chance that this could result in you not procuring your dream job of standing there pouring salt on innocent little undercooked potato strips. Gol Dangit!


I’m very sorry they rescinded their offer. You would have really rocked that hat, I’m sure of it. Hey, look at it this way: the pipe, I’m sorry, I mean the glass is always half full. Remember that. Pick yourself off the canvas and get right back in the ballgame of life. Seriously, it’s not like that was the only job out there, anyways…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s