SALUTING THE ASSISTANT MANAGER

Today we acknowledge and salute the hardworking men and women whose business cards read, Assistant Manager. For far too long, the Manager has taken credit for jobs you’ve completed and strategies you’ve implemented. In many cases, the Manager is there simply to hold the coffee cup and remind people that they report to him. Occasionally, he’ll flex his muscles and issue a sternly worded memo declaring the deplorable condition of the office refrigerator. And how would Quanisha in Human Resources ever know the essence of a real man without the Manager parading in front of her office every ten minutes flashing his pinky rings and gold chains and proudly adjusting his virile…man stuff. Oh, the wonderful dreams he must provide for her every night. Make no mistake, the Manager’s main function is to remind people of who he is. Example: 

Customer: May I see these in a size 11?

Manager:  Of course, ma’am. I’ll get the Assistant Manager on that right away.

Customer: Can’t you get them for me?

Manager:  Ma’am, please. I’m The Manager.

Customer: Hey, Mr. Manager…

Manager:  Yes?

Customer: You’ve got toilet paper dragging on your shoe and your fly’s open.

The Vice President of The United States could be considered an Assistant Manager…but, no, come to think of it, that’s a bad example, so let’s move on. You are truly the unsung heroes. Every single day, you must come to work prepared to ‘take the field,’ never knowing when the Manager may call in sick or have to attend to pressing Manager type business out of the office like stopping by Dave’s Driving Range and Tackle Shop for their big one day only putter exchange (free box of nightcrawlers to the first one hundred arrivals).

Let’s look at Jim, The Assistant Manager of Sonic’s in Happy Jack, Arizona. Jim spoke candidly to us about the joys and heartache of the job. “The paycheck’s worth it, ($139.00 a week plus dental), but sometimes, I wish I could just take my mind off it all and play Mortal Kombat 11 for eight hours a day.” We asked Jim about his most grueling responsibility and he didn’t hesitate when he said, ” It’s those dang roller skates. I’ve got to make sure every single pair is properly shined and lubed every day, first thing.  And, if a girl slips and falls while toting an Ex-Long Chili Cheese Coney, that meal comes out of that day’s cash register receipts. Try explaining that to the ‘big guy’ without drowning in a pool of sweat. It’s brutal.”  Jim also explained that losing hard working employees is a bitter pill to swallow. “Oh, it’s really hard to see a person just up and leave after you’ve spent nearly two whole days training them on every aspect of the business. Just last week, the best French fry gal in the southwest left us for a sweet deal at The Dollar Store. She’s going be the Head Greeter in charge of Isle Maintenance. You can’t hold a person back from something like that. You just have to let them go, but it’s tough.”

Yes, Assistant Manager’s, without you in charge, those widgets would get shipped in the wrong boxes or, God forbid, maybe not at all. The tube socks and boxers wouldn’t be inventoried properly and those pep talks you deliver right before the doors open for the day are all masterful words of true inspiration. “Let’s sell some stuff today, guys.”

So, Assistant Manager’s everywhere, we salute you today. Thank you for all you do. Slap that name tag on proudly and get to work. You are the backbone of our infrastructure and the GPS on our highway to greater prosperity. And, please, always keep in mind when the ‘big guy’ gives you lip, that ‘Manager’ spelled sideways is ‘Mean Rag!’

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