For some reason, I’ve dealt with more than my share of miserable people lately and I don’t like it. What ticks inside a person that makes him consistently miserable? I don’t have enough coffee-stained shirts, M. Scott Peck books or degrees hanging on the wall to answer that one. But I do know this: it’s never their fault! Someone, somewhere along the line has done them wrong and we’re going to listen to all of it even if they have to strap us down. I know what you’re saying. “Bob, please help me. Miserable people make me sick. What can I do to rid my life of these vermin?” We need to unify. We need to band together and stop the madness.

First of all, misery loves company. We need to stop being co-dependent. If we don’t give into them, they will eventually leave us alone. As a wise old exterminator once told me as he was casually putting a mouse in his pocket, “Take away their food source and all you have to do is clean up the crap on the floor.” 

It’s time to take our lives back and we have the power to do that. Are you with me?  When a miserable person asks us how we’re doing with the hopes of hearing that our lives are crumbling faster than a six-month-old Keebler cookie,  take a deep breath and respond with the old, “Couldn’t be better,’ or “If I were any better, I’d have to be two people.” They hate that. They don’t want to be the only person on the boat who sinks. We’re taking away their food source.

Also, remember, as I wag my finger, there is no prescription available for the condition known as ‘miserable’, only clinical depression can get your doctor to break out her pen. Unfortunately, and how’s this for irony, by letting a miserable person get to us, we’re the suckers running to the pharmacy for Prozac!

We’ve tried comforting them and it never seems to work. Strangely enough, when we do try to offer even a modicum of advice and it fails, we become the enemy. This REALLY stinks because then not only do we have a miserable person on our hands but an angry, miserable person as well.

Was it something that happened in their childhood that makes them so miserable?  Probably, but we don’t care about that because our parents made us ride in the trunk and we’re not miserable, right? Aren’t there enough N.M.’s (non-miserables) that we can befriend? We wouldn’t go to the supermarket and buy a grapefruit that’s been bounced around like a basketball, would we? Of course not. We would put it back for the miserable person to buy. See, now we’re getting it.

So, again, we need to band together on this. Let someone else more qualified deal with these unhealthy human beings. Finally, remember, in your next encounter, be nice, be brief and in no time at all, you’ll be washing the floor for the last time.


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