CAUTION: SERIOUS NAKED PEOPLE AHEAD

Protesting never seems to go out of style.  Every time we step out the door, we find well-intentioned people protesting worthy things like our dependence on foreign oil, unhealthy workplace conditions, and airlines not allowing poorly behaved children to be stowed in the overhead compartment. All worthy causes, I think you’ll agree. 

The question is how can we tell the difference between someone who is really serious about his cause from someone who just wants to get out of the house for a while? The answer is simple: The serious ones always GET NAKED! If you truly want to convince others that you’re serious and they should listen to your message, you have to remove your clothing. There’s no other way. Step out of those BVDs and start shaking your placard.

There was a bike rally in San Diego recently protesting something. If memory serves correctly, it was a group protesting another group’s right to protest because the first group had already protested about that very same thing last week. In protesting parlance this is known as ‘having too much time on your hands.’ Anyway, they were obviously serious protesters because they were riding bikes…naked. Riding a bike naked? Have you seen some of those seats recently? One good bump and you can introduce yourself to Mr. Hurt. One little slip through the crack and you’ll be rendered a soprano faster than you can say, “What am I protesting anyway?”

In a recent survey, 75% of protesters actually admitted to not being absolutely sure of the cause they were asked to protest but they heard that hot dogs would be served at the rally so they went along. This reminds me of my neighbor from a few years ago, Leo, who asked me if I would be willing to put a ‘Stop Covid, Wear a Mask’ sign in my front yard. I actually considered it for a moment thinking it may hide some of the crabgrass but then, in trying to ascertain how serious he was, I asked him if he would be willing to get naked for Covid. He froze in his tracks, turned around slowly, tripping over his jaw and scampered across the street. Well, well, well, could it be that Leo was long on verbiage but short of, um, appendage. You see, it’s hard to trust a message from someone who is fully clothed.

One of the main concerns I have is that it’s always the people you would prefer to see in a head-to-toe parka that strip for their cause. It’s the nude beach principle all over again. Where are all the people you would like to see au natural? They’re at home…fully clothed, not protesting. Don’t good-looking people have causes that they are willing to strip down for? Aren’t they willing to become one with nature for the right of hard-working tax-paying citizens to be able to ride the bus for a decent fare? Hey, wait just a minute. I think I’ve got it. If only we can convince more sculpted bodies to get involved in causes, more people would show up observing the protests and more hot dogs would be sold, thereby making more money for the vendors and jumpstarting the sluggish economy. So, the equation would look like this:  Attractive naked people (protesters) + rallies + vendors (hot dogs + beer) = healthy economy.

Trust me, it’s a win-win. People would spend money; the economy would rebound and we would become more confident and relaxed as a nation.

And believe me, that’s a VERY good thing. Now pass me one of those dogs! 

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